Bonds, connections, friendships and other relsonships empower us in every area of our lives, when they are healthy they created a strong brace against injustice. As such Co-dependacy is a tool of the patriarchy therefore tools for feminism include:
Learning to check in if we feel like someone said or thought something negative about us. More often than not , we are making up stories in our heads, and eliminating a potential alley, who in reality has no negative perception of us. This also gives other feminists an opportunity to change behavior that is unintentionally harmful. It limits the tools that the patriarchy can use against us to reenforce believes we are less than we are.
When you said I thought( or felt), …
Get used to sitting with someone hurting, without trying to fix it and without trying to control the outcome. Letting someones feelings flow though and out of you.
I love you, therefore I don’t want to control you. Your actions are not a reflection of me. I will hold space without trying to fix you and let go of the outcome.
Don’t make commitments, promises or agreements to avoid upsetting someone. This never works out and can dissolve friendships with inevitable avoidance and hurt that follows. Say no when you mean it. Offer alternatives and if possible specifics on ways you can help.
It is better to disappoint someone now then leave them having later. Difficult conversations fuel understanding and unity.
Bring up challenges in relationships, ask for what you need.
Hey, don’t call me before 7am if it’s not an emergency. I want to clarify what you expect from me in this situation. I can come but I have to leave at 8. You can text me all you need to if it helps, I can’t respond tonight I will read and respond in the morning. Hey, I am in recovery and hearing about eating disorders drags me down to hell too, we need to change the subject. Can you nag me to finish this task, push, me to workout, remind me to log in everyday.
Without these interpersonal skills, the patriarchy wins, it divides us, it continues to separate us. It makes us into caretakers, martyrs, and rips away our autonomy. Building these abilities, rejects the abuse of the patriarchy, allowing us to fully show up. Non of this is specifically about the feminist this week Kamala Harris, it just needed to be said.
Has a California Senator took blood actions such as confronting the “ transgendered panic defense” , creating a LGBTQ hate crimes investigation unit, she is working to close the pay gap. This presdential candidate, is intelligent , thoughtful and unafraid to admit when she has been wrong, such as her changed views on Canabuis policy. I plan on voting for Harris in the primary and you should too.
Kamala Harris
No Picture for this one, however short story, I went to a bar recently and ordered a Martini with Cognac in it and she said “ can I see your ID” I ( handing her my ID ) said “ That order should be a age test in and of itself. “
1 Oz Gin
2Oz Dry vermouth
1 Oz cognac